Inner blooming

 The universe is quite a balancing force. If we surrender to it, if we allow it to rule our lives. If we forsake all dreams of control, all impressions of self interest. If we walk on grass, swim in the ocean and stare at the stars. It will respond. 

I see the full moon from my window. It reminds me of Summer, of kissing her in the park while the mosquitoes attacked us. We didn't care, and it was magical because we didn't. Summer's gone now, and I barely saw Summer this Fall. I miss her sweet smile and our switching between three different languages. I miss drinking her soda from Pakistan, I miss the smell of her apartment, I miss the sweetness of her lips. 

The window itself reminds me of someone else. Me. At 8, at 18, at 33. Looking out for something more. Asking for signs. Listening to music that makes my soul cry. Sometimes I just wish I could see something and then I remember that I see things all the time. I must pay attention. Names, numbers, songs, phrases, smells. It's all connected. 

I always believed there was more. I just lost faith for a while. I stopped observing, watching the little things. Reason and emotion took over and left soul behind. Like both a little lab rat and it's owner, at once I created a sterile, isolated and controlled environment. Built my own cage. No more. I'm free. 

Last new year's eve I held my stomach and wished for a life to be born and for it to be mine. Little did I know I was fertilizing my own self. Little did I know that a seed was already inside me, screaming for water and sunlight. Little did I know that the blooming had already begun. That what would bloom was me again, anew. My Be then showed me Innerbloom last spring and like a snake to an enchanter flute I grew taller and taller, mightier and stronger. Colorful. Spring called. I flowered.

I now end this year in full blossom. No, not full. There's still much more. The hermit card told me to keep looking inward. To keep reflecting. To keep watering my earth. I now go feed from my little star, Maria, who first watered me. I crave to know her ever more. I crave to know myself ever more. I dream and the universe makes sure I'm dreaming it right. Thank you.