I live life looking for magic. Even before, I always expected something to happen. I am now more clear on what I want this magic to be like. Still, the universe doesn't like to be predictable. It doesn't like to do as expected. It is indeed a tad of cruelty from whoever rules us to gives us the feeling of expectation and not deliver.
I keep reading books and hoping they will come true. When will she appear on my doorstep I wonder. Will my friends be those inseparable ones that we see on television? Will I get a postcard? I expect nothing but magic. But, an empty mailbox says it all. No phone calls. No knocks on my door.
Yet, whoever makes us suffer also gives us joy. And when least expected, magic happens. A day unplanned that ends up bringing good news, good fortune, good friends and a postcard. I confess I waited for that postcard like a kid waiting for Christmas gifts. It's good to have people who I feel close to sending physical things. I still don't quite understand.
Magic happens through connections. Through people. Through trees, and the sky and the moon. Large bodies of water. Through beautiful postcards left in the hall of my building. No mailbox. Just the surprise of seeing you there. Somebody picked you up from the floor and read your words and thought of a version of us. We have all been out of ourselves for a while, but magic puts us together. It's the power of laughter and touch. Ideas. Words and more words as if nothing was more urgent than talking to each other. It's magical. Seeing a mirror, finding a friend in it. Flying high.
Movement is also magic. I started to feel joy in moving. Moving in all senses. Feeling comfortable in my skin. Loving me beautifully while still tending to the hurt and the grief. Walking without a destination just to feel the city. Getting out there and learning to read people. Learning they don't always mean what they say. Learning I must find a balance but not lose the magic. Maybe expect it less. But I must be me.
Magic is in the smallest things and in the big ones. It comes and sways me. I embrace it. I promised to feel. I won't shy away from myself. My sticker that i got right before it ended said: every ending is a new beginning. I hope for many new beginnings. What a serious thing to be alive with all of you. Magical.
