The best thing you can do for me is to ignore me. Wait, no, the best thing you can do is to give me all the attention there is. I don't know how to be alone. But I love my company. Yet I'm anxious. It must be a social media problem. No, it's the prospect of seeing you in person. Or not seeing you. I can't see you anymore. Or can I? Please tell me that I can. I thought the problem was that I was too blue. Wait, no, too pink. I'm neither, I'm both. The problem is that I'm just not here fully in your eyes. Feels like I'm waiting for you to see that I am. I can only be here fully, mind body soul heart blood memories breath. There's no half me. Indeed I don't know what I want from me. I know I'm done yet I need more. I'm happy, desperately. What is making me happy I do not know. So I can't pursue it. I can't tell you where I want to be in five years. I can tell you I want to be there. Somewhere. Often my mind doesn't stop saying the most preposterous things. I've given all I've got. Little breath left yet all the love. My body doesn't feel like getting up sometimes. Still, I'm up. I noticed I need the stage to find peace. To find silence in my own mind. I'm addicted. I'm addicted to you. I'm addicted to myself. Addicted to feeling, addicted to suffering yet addicted to being happy. Maybe if I moved more. If I moved just a little bit more. Go to the gym. Dance. Walk. But what if I stood still? Lay down and reflect. Read. Write. I feel like running away. But I can't run. I'm tired of running. Yet I just can't stay. I can't stop but I'm paralized. I'm moving, moving, moving. Is this healing? I want to be with her. I want to be with him. I want to be single. I don't want to mingle. I want her naked music buildings. I want him high forest naked. I want us but I just want me. I want us high, and I want us sober. Who's us? Where is my starfish? Did I forget? Did she? Did my mirror break? Certainly it is cracked at least. Who's there to hold me up? I need to stand on my own two feet. I'm learning to stand on my breasts. I need more but less. I need time, I need me. Yet I continue to push forward. I'm not available right now. Not to think. My hours of operation aren't accurate. Please leave a message and I'll get back to me when I can.
